


clarity

by flyingcrane



Series: seeing is believing [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Lilia is a boss and no one can tell me otherwise, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingcrane/pseuds/flyingcrane
Summary: Sometimes it takes someone on the outside looking in.





	

 

The energy in the stadium is uproarious.

 

It’s the long awaited Grand Prix, so it’s no wonder the entire crowd is on their feet, screaming and cheering in a mix of languages. It’s a beautiful sight to see so many countries competing but still united, more incredible still to witness the bonds between skaters of different nations showcase their home and identity in their breathtaking performances, encouraging and challenging each other in the same breath.

 

The results are hilariously unexpected with many thinking Jean-Jacques Leroy, Otabek, and Chris will take the top slots. Instead, Lilia’s own student manages to break a world record set by the man he’d wanted to be trained by, and Lilia can’t quite explain the elation and joy and absolute _pride_ that fills her because she’s watched Yurio grow into the young man he is now, who still has so much time and room to grow stronger and better and even more brilliant.

 

Thinking about Yurio’s preferred coach brings her mind to the mans other student and almost unwillingly, her eyes find Katsuki Yuuri in the stands.

 

Victor is by his side and they look like they’re discussing something important, but all Lilia can see is the hand that cups Yuuri’s cheek so tenderly and the glint of two gold, matching bands.

 

Her stomach sinks.

 

It’s both a blessing and a curse when Victor and Yuuri decide to congratulate Yurio on his stunning performance at one of the entrances to the rink, out of sight of most of the paparazzi and spectators. Lilia watches her little brat pretend he’s not affected by the sincere words, hiding a pleased expression beneath his usual scowl of distaste, but it’s Yuuri who she watches with a sharp gaze. She’s observed him more than a few times during the other competitions, but this is the closest she’s been to him in all those times, and she doesn’t like what she sees, hates what other people _don’t_ see.

 

He’s drawn and tired despite the confidence he’d come to the competition with, and Lilia has the inexplicable urge to say, “You did well. Don’t let your left leg lag when you kick off to do the quadruple flip - that had always been Victors’ weakness when he first learned it.” So she does.

 

Yurio’s kicking up a fuss and Victor is busy being scolded by Yakov so no one hears her words or sees the way Yuuri’s eyes widen in shock. “Ah, um- th-thank you.”

 

“Victor has many weaknesses, but they don’t have to be yours,” she says, glancing significantly at his shoulder where Victor had held him earlier in a seemingly gentle hold.

 

But she knows better, and by the way Yuuri pales and nearly stumbles away from her, now he does too.

 

* * *

 

Twelve hours later, Lilia finds herself in a hotel elevator with the last person she expects.

 

 _Yuuri Katsuki is not one to be underestimated_ , she reminds herself wryly, but any humor she feels dies a swift death when Yuuri just flashes her a hollow smile and tucks and arm close to his side. She doesn’t say anything, not a greeting or an acknowledgement, because it looks like the slightest sound will shatter him and she’s not prepared to pick up those pieces when she’s still trying to pick up all of hers.

 

They watch the numbers blinking at the top for a few moments before the silence is broken.

 

“Lilia-san,” he greets amiably, no wariness to be found. “How is Yurio?”

 

She knows he’s not asking to get a leg up on the competition - he’s far too spineless for a bold move like that, his other acts of bravery notwithstanding. And she’s heard enough from her student to know it is well within Yuuri’s character to feel worry for the wellbeing of others, especially ones he considers friends. A childish and admirable sentiment. “Icing his leg. He’ll live, for now. We’ll have to see if he survives tomorrow however.”

 

That earns her a startled laugh, one that she doesn’t think Yuuri means to let loose.

 

A man steps into the elevator and silence comes back, a little less deafening, but that’s because Lilia’s thoughts are crowding her mind too much to allow other things in.

 

She watches Yuuri from the corner of her eye as he shrinks into himself little by little and it’s both fascinating and disturbing to watch. Like a hermit crab receding into it’s shell, leaving the image of a much larger, intimidating placeholder that hides the weakness lurking underneath. She sees that Yuuri is going to get off soon, a few floors below hers, but something nags at her until she finally gives in and resets all the floor buttons.

 

“Excuse me, what-” the stranger starts, but a harsh glare from her shuts him up quickly.

 

The doors open two floors earlier than the man was intending, but Lilia doesn’t care. “Out,” she barks, and something vindictive in her is pleased at the way he scrambles out of the elevator.

 

“Uh, Lilia-san?” Yuuri starts, but a stern glare from her shuts him up as well.

 

He doesn’t make a peep as they head to their new destination.

 

* * *

 

The stars are truly a sight to behold, like studded jewels in the fabric of the night sky. They remind her of stories her mother used to tell her as a small girl, looking up wonderingly into the air above and dreaming of reaching out and touching one of those incredible, out-of-reach lights.

 

Now is not a time for reminiscing, however.

 

“Yakov mentioned you asked about our marriage,” she starts, looking out into the bright city skyline.

 

Yuuri is behind her so she doesn’t see him jump in surprise but she’s certain that he does anyway. “Ah,” he coughs, “I did. I’m sorry, I asked something invasive and I shouldn’t have pried-”

 

“And you asked if love is supposed to hurt,” she continues, uncaring of his stuttered, misplaced apologies. She takes his silence as confirmation. “What did he say?”

 

He falls quiet, so quiet and for so long, Lilia can almost fool herself into thinking perhaps she’s alone on the rooftop after all. Then, finally, “It hurts.” It’s almost a whisper, an admission nearly carried off by the gentle wind, and her hands tremble from more than the slight chill in the air. “He said ‘of course love hurts.’”

 

Lilia closes her eyes, silently curses the old man for being so blind.

 

“Love can make people blind,” she says instead. “Love can make a hideous woman into the most beautiful, can make imperfections into endearments. It can do many things, sometimes good, sometimes bad. But it cannot hurt, because that is the opposite of love.” She sighs, draws in a shaky breath. “That is exactly why I divorced Yakov. Because we realized we do not agree on what love is.”

 

A pause.

 

“I don’t understand,” Yuuri murmurs behind her, and something in her softens at how small he sounds.

 

She turns to look at him, still leaning on the railing separating her from a forty-story fall. She’s horrified and amused to find the familiar place so comforting when at one time it would have been her end and her salvation, but she supposes the strength it took not to do it is what she draws from now. “Humans are terrible, ignorant things,” she says simply. “They believe they know what is best and are completely oblivious to to the truth. They don’t see their flaws and believe their mistakes to be the product of others. They believe what others tell them when they know it is wrong.”

 

Yuuri’s trembling now, shoulders hunched and looking so small and frail she half-worries he will disappear right in front of her eyes.

 

“Yakov is not a bad man despite all the mistakes he’s made. Much of what he does is learned - the yelling, the demeaning, the heavy-handedness. He’s grown up with it, and thus it is normal.”

 

He stares at her, eyes wide in shock. It’s an unspoken confession, what she’s implying, one that she’s never told another soul because women are considered weak and she must be strong...but perhaps the sharing of burdens is considered strength too.

 

“In Russia, we take family very seriously. Family is more than mothers and fathers and siblings.” She thinks of her own family, huge and sprawling, with many aunts and uncles and older cousins she could always turn to when she needed help or guidance. Help she never asked for because in Russia, independence is power. Family is love, but family is not power. “Family is someone you hold dear to you, who holds you just as dearly. So you can imagine, Victor was not only Yakov's student but also like the son he never had.”

 

Such a bright, curious, charming, utterly _bored_ child Victor had been. Constantly asking questions, asking _why_ to a statement and asking _why_ again to the answer. One who befriended interesting people and poked at interesting things and left them just as quickly when something else caught his attention. Ice skating had been a balm to ease that gnawing, aching lust for _more._ Excitement, challenge, _something,_ and somehow he’d found it in jumps and spins and steps. Yakov had been delighted, so happy to find a protege who could take his vision and make it real, and so Lilia had allowed her husband to spend more time at the ice rink than at home, listened to him talk about his astounding student and never ask about her own promising ballet children. She never interfered, and how she wishes she had, because more than one person is paying the price for it. Once upon a time, Victor had found freedom and peace in ice skating, but now-

 

Well, now it seems now Victor has found solace in Yuuri.

 

“My ex-husband is a fool,” she says almost fondly, but there will always be a thread of resentment in those words no matter how many years pass. “Men can be pigheaded at the best of times, but Yakov especially, and so he raised Victor the way he was raised. Without Victor’s real parents in the picture, he equated discipline and unjust punishments to affection, and Victor did what he does best. He learned.” She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes. “And I didn’t stop him.”

 

She’s changed that though, with Yurio. She accepted her ex-husband's request to take on the young prodigy because she couldn’t watch another of his students learn _wrong_ , to take those horrible lessons and pass them on like Victor is doing now however unintentionally _._

 

Yuuri sways on his feet and Lilia quickly settles him on a step that leads to a higher platform of the roof, ignores the way he shakes beneath her gentle fingers.

 

Lilia sighs and feels the years press in on her. “Love is not perfect, Yuuri. Love is not always sweet and love cannot fix broken people.”

 

Yuuri doesn’t say anything back, but she understands. It’s too much, far too much, too soon. She and Yuuri have never really spoken before this night, so why should he listen to the advice of a scary older woman who is training his rival? Why listen to this stern-faced stranger who’s only said a handful of words to him before?

 

“Why are you telling me all this?” Yuuri asks quietly, forehead pressed to his knees.

 

Lilia settles a hand on his back, warm and anchoring. “I am not your friend. I’m not your teacher or your mother. I’m a stranger doing this for one selfish reason.” He finally looks at her now, bangs falling into his red-tinted face, and Lilia can admit what Victor must see in the younger man. He’s quite a sight, pure and striking, like a fallen angel, and it just makes the whole situation more gruesome and heart-wrenching. “I don’t want to see my past repeated in front of me.”

 

He’s not denying it, what his situation is, what she means. He’s not pretending what she’s implying isn’t true, and Lilia can only admire such strength - strength she lacked for years before finally admitting to herself what her life had become.

 

Yuuri’s lips press together in a tight line, to hold in tears or a sob she doesn’t know, until he asks, “What do I do?”

 

She allows herself this one maternal thing and reaches out slowly, tentatively, and is both gratified and sad to see Yuuri apprehensively let her fingers gently brush through his hair and push it out of his handsome face. She can’t imagine how his mother would feel, knowing what her child is going through under her own roof, and she suspects that is one of many reasons why Yuuri stays silent. “They say that admiration is the absence of understanding. Do you believe that?”

 

Yuuri blinks owlishly at her, bright under the rooftop lights, and she can’t pretend she can’t see the swell of tears clinging to his dark lashes. “I love Victor.”

 

And he does. He really and truly does, the beautiful kind of love that Lilia read in fairy tales and still wishes she sometimes had for the man she’d married, precious and secure and more than some people deserve. But. “Do you love yourself?”

 

His silence is her answer.

 

“Normally I would say if you’re going through hell, keep going,” she says, piecing back together her impenetrable persona, “but in this instance...you do what you can, what you must. Imagine, Yuuri, the looks on your friends faces if they ever knew how much pain you’re in. If you don’t change something for your sake, change it for theirs.”

 

Yuuri doesn’t reply.

 

A half hour later, Lilia realizes she needs to meet with Yurio before he sleeps. It’s surprisingly hard leaving Yuuri alone on the roof after all that, feels wrong on some fundamental level she can’t explain, but she has nothing more to say, no more advice to give or life to pass on. This is his fight now, one she can’t fight for him no matter how much she is starting to want to.

 

She doesn’t know if her words have reached him but she's seen his strength first hand. She has faith.

 

* * *

 

“After the final...let’s end this.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So the first fic was really popular?? And everyone wanted a sequel??? All your comments made me lol and this is definitely not what you guys asked for lmfao Lilia is probably really OOC and this is all garbage but whatever, enjoy more hurt!Yuuri! Leave a comment and let me know what you thought! Follows events of episode 11 so spoilers? Maybe?? Go watch the episode wtf.


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